Even in this crazy consumer-led and materialistic society we live in, the best things in life are the simple things; your friends, cups of coffee, conversations and the odd game of golf. They cost nothing and they are the most meaningful. Let me tell you though, Middlesex’s recent victory in the Twenty20 competition was about as meaningful as it gets for us at the home of cricket. Well, it is a funny game isn’t it? Not that we haven’t heard that one before, but after two drubbings in the County Championship and a bad loss in the Pro40 against Durham it looked like the excitement leading up to Twenty20 finals day might end sooner rather than later.
Well not this time. Middlesex’s formula that has been so successful in this year’s competition held its own when it really mattered most. So after a great turnaround it has been a fantastic week for Middlesex, there’s certainly some great talent in the ranks and the squad is showing real signs of strength and depth.
The drama of the dropped catch, the Dawid Malan overthrows and the anxiety over those final two balls put everyone’s adrenalin into overdrive. Anyway we are a week on, and questions of the Champions League and the trip to Antigua for the Stanford tournament are a hot topic and so they should be. Cricket has clearly taken a quite a turn. In the words of the Middlesex coach Toby Radford, “the experience was quite surreal”. This quick-fix cricket is bringing about exciting times and while it may not be everyone’s cup of tea it is certainly a great time to be playing.
In the aftermath of everything there has been some larking around at the club, which I suppose is to be expected after the stratospheric performance in the Twenty20 finals.
David Nash, known around the circuit for his practical jokes, has been at it again … and his victim this time? None other than the man of the moment - Big Tyrone (the incredible hulk) Henderson.
Henderson is a loving, home-spun kind of guy. He has to go down as a popular member of the nice-guy eleven but maybe on this occasion I would have to slip him into the naïve eleven too.
Sorry Ty - maybe I should have checked with you before I write these sort of things!
Anyway. We arrived at Lord's for a back-to-work session. Believe it or not there is still some work to be done before the season is over. Some good results in the Pro40 and a strong finish in the Championship is a must.
In a quiet moment, Nashy decides it’s time for some fun and to call Tyrone. Good with voices, he becomes a representative of UK sport doping control. He wants to discuss Tyrone’s recent drugs test following the Twenty20. Gravely, and keeping a strongly official tone to his voice, Nash told him that he had failed - but that sometimes this happens.
Boringly echoing the voice of officialdom from the car park, Nashy told Tyrone that a ‘b’ sample is an essential requirement but that he mustn’t worry – it’s all part of the procedure. He would be calling back to advise him of when and where he’ll need to go for his second test.
With most of the boys in on the joke it was hard for us all to focus on practice. Tyrone didn’t even bother. We caught the occasional glimpse of his giant frame pacing up and down outside the MCC Indoor School, the bemused shrugging of shoulders, the shaking of the head.
I popped outside to pretend I was looking at the weather and heard him hiss, eyes wide, almost panic stricken into his phone: "But I don’t do these things, I’m clean, I’m a clean guy…"
I reported back and everyone was in hysterics.
Then Tyrone came back in, trying to pretend nothing had happened.
Inevitably his phone rang again. It was Nash once more in the guise of the UK Sport official.
Curtly, he told Henderson he would receive a call in the next half-an-hour to discuss the next step.
Tyrone nearly curled up into the foetal position on the spot!
The remainder of the indoor session was punctuated with comments like: "Did you have a ‘Night-nurse’ you shouldn’t have?” And “They’re doing Ginseng tea upstairs, Ty, if you fancy one!”
Desperately trying to keep straight faces we waited for the final call.
When it came we all held our breath, straining to hear the conversation.
The big South African seemed to shrink before our eyes. His face took on an ashen pallor.
“What do you mean a lie detector test?” he spluttered. “Of course I’ve never done one!”
And then:
‘What!!! Look mate, I don’t even take Disprin!”
Finally:
“What has Dwain Chambers got to do with it?”
A grown man crying was definitely on the cards.
Nashy gave it away when he came back into the Indoor School. Literally weeping with laughter he set everyone off. Only Tyrone stood there – a bemused, dispirited figure looking questioningly at everyone.
And when he caught on, he responded as only he would. With a generous smile and barrel-chested laugh. “Hey man – you certainly got me with that one.”
When the dust had settled I reflected that though Ty had been the butt of a heck of a joke, it had all been cool.
Great camaraderie, genuine humour, a lot of laughs - that doesn’t cost much does it?
Comments
Posted by: Govind at August 8, 2008 1:13 PM
Hey Nick,
Excellently written mate, It takes enormous amount of talent to report anecdotes keeping the flow and the tension intact. Well done!
Posted by: Vishvesh at August 8, 2008 2:30 PM
That was a good one! If I had Ty's brawn I would have completed the joke with a generous punch, rather than a generous smile:).
Posted by: Lakshya Jain at August 8, 2008 11:20 PM
O my god, what a funny article! man good joke. Gosh this gave me hysterics
Posted by: Paul at August 8, 2008 11:27 PM
Sorry to be po-faced about this, but I reckon that telling a professional sportsman that he has failed a drugs test is about as unpleasant as telling a schoolteacher he has been accused of child-molesting.
Posted by: Amirali at August 9, 2008 3:57 AM
That was cruel and childish. But credit to tyrone for taking it like a man, and not knocking anyone's lights out. He would've been very entitled to do so.
And oh, I have to give you credit for a very entertaining post.
Posted by: martin greenway at August 9, 2008 11:48 AM
I think I would have been in hysterics too,had I been in the team.It sounds as though he took it in good spirits--very funny.A kent supporter--fantastic final..a shame one team had to lose!
Posted by: Jonathan at August 10, 2008 4:27 PM
Where do you go for your free games of golf?
Posted by: Alta at September 20, 2008 6:02 PM
I felt sorry for that big man, but I wish I was there to saw his face. You are not only a good sportman Hendo but also has a sense of humour!
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The Contributors
James Foster was still a student for Durham University when he was called up to the England A squad in 2000-01, before progressing to full
international honours the following winter. However, he broke his arm in the nets early in the 2002 season which allowed Alec Stewart back into the side and he has played just one further Test, at Melbourne in 2002-03. But two strong seasons have put him back in the frame and he was part of the England Lions squad during the 2007-08 winter tour to India. He was appointed
Essex's vice captain in 2007.
Nick Compton, grandson of the legendary Denis, was raised in South Africa before moving to Harrow as a teenager. Like many young South Africans, he excelled at handball sports and, although he took some time to
cement his place, he's been a consistent and elegant batsman at the
top of the order for Middlesex ever since. This winter, instead of
spending it in the gym, he and Graham Napier trekked in the foothills
of Mount Everest to stage the world's highest ever cricket match.
Will Smith was 22 when he sparked Nottinghamshire's interest with a fine 156 for Durham Universities in 2005, and it was enough to earn him a
contract and three games with the county in their Championship-winning
season. A strong opening batsman, he had to wait until 2006 to hit his
maiden first-class hundred following a winter in which he had double
hernia and shoulder operations. He joined Durham in 2007 and has a
range of curious nicknames: Posh Kid, Smudge and Jiggy.
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